This is one of my most heartfelt and brutally honest posts
to do date.
This was not an easy blog post to write, but it is the truth,
it is where I am today, in this moment.
Even if this has no bearing in your life, maybe you know someone who could benefit from my words...
I don't know,
what I do know, is that I had to write it to make it "real".
I hope that this post will touch others in a positive way...
Even if it just gets you to think about the direction you are going in your life...
I have been told all my life that I just needed to learn how to "play the game" and my life would be so much easier...
I have never been one to play games...
In truth, every time I was told that, I would feel sick.
I don't want to play a game to get ahead.
I would rather be me, and prove myself in how I do things &
my performance then by "playing" to get ahead.
Even with all that being said, I learned to be pleasing...
I slowly conditioned myself into someone that would say "Yes" when I wanted to say "NO" and would stuff, hide and conceal my true feelings in the attempts at being pleasing to others, putting their needs above my own.
I have gotten myself to the point emotionally,
that I am beyond conflicted and confused.
I know that we can not always do what we want,
when we want,
but when you slowly give up everything
that once was you...
Who are you?
This has led me to where I am today...
For this Motivational Monday...
Today, I need to take the same tenacity and desire that I have to change my body outwardly, and turn it inside.
I have to at this point face all the demon's that have been consuming me little by little and bit by bit.
I can tell you with my whole heart that...
None of this is comfortable...
I struggle with wanting to be me, the true me...
While, not destroying everyone around me
at the same time.
I find that when I start to say what I really want...
My truest hearts desire...
I stop to think, how will the other person
feel, think, or react?
I have become so mindful that it is at a determent to myself.
I find that it is easier to stay silent,
then to say what is on my mind these days.
I know that I will not always be able to maintain this.
So, I have no choice, I must change...
I need to find myself...
I find these days that people find it acceptable to give up who they are for what they want.
Why is it we feel the need to make the trade off?
Why can't you be who you really are
and still find that success?
Why do we have to make everything so sugar coated and sweet when the truth really is what it is?
Have we really as a society become so fragile that we can't bare to hear the truth when it is spoken to us?
I know, better than most...
That the truth is hard to hear.
With that being said, if a friend cares enough to speak the words and make them real for you,
( even if it hard to hear )
isn't it better than it being made "nice"
so it's easier to swallow?
We all want to see rainbows,
but they only can be seen
after the storm has passed.
Today, my wish for you...
If you are struggling in your life...
Take the time you need, figure out what the problem is, and work towards fixing it!
We all have something in our lives
that is a source of pain,
( if we are honest ).
Most people stuff it.
They hide it in a box,
put it under their bed,
in the top part of the closet
or the darkest corner of the basement.
Instead of dealing with it.
Head on, Face to Face.
Will it be any worse to face it today,
rather than tomorrow,
or next week
or even years from now.
I would say, No...
We all want to be happy, we all deserve to be happy...
So why do we let things stand in our way?
Find the problem, work on it and let yourself be happy,
no matter what...
If you are at peace with yourself,
it makes everything else fall into place...