Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Beauty Hides~

                           I have found this to be more true than not...
                          I can remember a time not so long ago, 
                        when I had a woman in my life that had a  
                     Heart of Pure Gold... 
                        She had a smile that could light up any room. 
                  Her voice, 
                         could bring calm during the roughest storm. 
                    She was for me,  
                      the embodiment of Grace and Beauty... 
                      I lost her to complications  
                      from her breast cancer. 
                       I have felt a void ever since then  
                      that has no end that I can see. 
                         I didn't even know how bad things  
                         had gotten, until I got a phone call  
                         saying that she was gone. 
                           She passed shortly after my Grandfather,
                            which is another deep wound.
                            The last time I saw her, 
                            we laughed, 
                                and enjoyed the moments  
                                 that we had been given. 
                            I think behind that beautiful smile 
                                she hid the pain,  
                            knowledge of her situation, 
                            what was to come, and she couldn't bare 
                      to see the pain & tears that she knew,
                          I wouldn't be able to hide... 
                                 She wanted our last moments  
                                  together to be beautiful... 
                              She knew Me... 
                            My Heart, 
                           My Soul  
                                   Loved me Unconditionaly... 
                               Never a judgment, just a safe harbor... 
                                 You see,  
                                for whatever reason, 
                                I struggle with relationships with women. 
             I let very few into my life, that I whole heartily trust. 
                     ( I have not always so jokingly, told my Father,  
                        that his second child should have been a boy. ) 
                                   that is why I push myself,  
                                    sometimes to the point of breaking... 
                                 I feel that I should be impenetrable, 
                                 strong and have no weakness. 
                                      Just maybe, 
                                      one of the reasons why I ended  
                                   up in the Marine Corps. 
                                       To some... 
                                    I am hard to deal with, 
                                    opinioned to a fault  
                                           To those who really know me, 
                                              I am vulnerable, 
                                              tender hearted 
                                              feel deeply... 
                                       I have learned to adapt to situations, 
                                            show only what I want.  
                                           While keeping hidden,
                                            the most intimate parts of me... 
                                          Call it Self Preservation... 
                                        This is another one of my blogs  
                                       that gives you more insight into me. 
                                          The brutally honest, 
                                       raw emotion  
                                         no hiding. 
                                          I feel pain... 
                                       Though you may never see it. 
                                      I feel deeply... 
                                   Though I may never let you know it. 
                                          I have hurt. 
                                    Though I may never tell you about it... 
                                  I mask the pain with a smile 
                                       try to replace darkness with light. 
                                      I had a beautiful Angel in my life  
                                    that did that for me, 
                                        and now I try to do that for others... 
                                     I pulled back the curtain 
                                         for a moment... 
                                       and you got to see 


  1. So very sorry for your loss! As always, Big PINK hugs and special prayers XOXO....

  2. I love you just the way you are...