I have found this to be more true than not...
I can remember a time not so long ago,
when I had a woman in my life that had a
Heart of Pure Gold...
She had a smile that could light up any room.
could bring calm during the roughest storm.
She was for me,
the embodiment of Grace and Beauty...
I lost her to complications
from her breast cancer.
I have felt a void ever since then
that has no end that I can see.
I didn't even know how bad things
had gotten, until I got a phone call
saying that she was gone.
She passed shortly after my Grandfather,
which is another deep wound.
The last time I saw her,
and enjoyed the moments
that we had been given.
I think behind that beautiful smile
she hid the pain,
knowledge of her situation,
what was to come, and she couldn't bare
to see the pain & tears that she knew,
I wouldn't be able to hide...
She wanted our last moments
together to be beautiful...
She knew Me...
Loved me Unconditionaly...
Never a judgment, just a safe harbor...
for whatever reason,
I struggle with relationships with women.
I let very few into my life, that I whole heartily trust.
( I have not always so jokingly, told my Father,
that his second child should have been a boy. )
that is why I push myself,
sometimes to the point of breaking...
I feel that I should be impenetrable,
strong and have no weakness.
one of the reasons why I ended
up in the Marine Corps.
I am hard to deal with,
opinioned to a fault
To those who really know me,
I am vulnerable,
I have learned to adapt to situations,
show only what I want.
While keeping hidden,
the most intimate parts of me...
Call it Self Preservation...
This is another one of my blogs
that gives you more insight into me.
The brutally honest,
I feel pain...
Though you may never see it.
I feel deeply...
Though I may never let you know it.
I have hurt.
Though I may never tell you about it...
I mask the pain with a smile
try to replace darkness with light.
I had a beautiful Angel in my life
that did that for me,
and now I try to do that for others...
I pulled back the curtain
for a moment...
and you got to see