Monday, February 27, 2012

Mixed Emotions~

Tonight I am struggling to bring you something that would be relevant.  
I guess I just have to tell you what is in my heart & racing through my head.  
Chardon, where the school shooting happened today.
  My Friend Cord, & now his Brother Nick that died all too soon.  T, who has struggled for the past year with her own cancer battle & now is pregnant with twins.  
Lastly, a friendship that was unintentionally damaged, but damaged none the less and I don't know if it can be repaired.  Tonight, I have so many things that lay heavy on my heart... 
I know that everyone has their own way of coping with things that trouble them.  
Tonight my only action that I can get any comfort from is getting on my knees, praying for forgiveness and guidance.  
I  usually never watch the news... 
Because I can't watch tragedy's happen over & over again and sit by idly doing nothing.  
My heart breaks watching everyone in Chardon grieving over what took place today.  
This Saturday I will pay my respects to Nick's family.  
One year and one day earlier, I was paying my respects to the same family in the loss of their oldest son Cord & his girlfriend Betheny.  
"T" who I got to know through the eyes of a friend over the last year.  
I gained so much respect and love for this woman that I have never even met.  
It has been an amazing and heartbreaking journey, but one that has been so frustrating as I want to do so much more to help but can't.    
Now, today, I found out that she is pregnant with twins.  
Today I also realised a friendship that was hurt.  
I want to repair the damage, as it was never meant or intended, but I have done all that I can do at this point to reach out & bring about healing.  
So many things weighing on my heart & head as I prepare to go to bed tonight... 
I pray... 
Asking for Guidance, Comfort, A Miracle & Forgiveness, but most of all PEACE...

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